Wednesday, May 8, 2013

MET Gala 2013: Punk is dead

That's according to 90% of this year's attendees at the MET Costume Gala. The theme was 'Punk: Chaos to Couture' and sadly, very few actually wore anything remotely punkish. If this was any other formal event, some of these outfits would be amazing but it's a COSTUME THEME gala. Go crazy. Go nuts. Wear something different for a change. Does anyone listen to me? Negatory.

Having said that, there were some winners and inevitably, losers. Shall we? I've roped in my BFF and famed fashion photographer*, Kat, to provide some insights into this hot mess of an event.

*NB Kat is not a fashion photographer.

Pics are not my own, they're from ONTD and Google, idk...

BEST: Punk Couture Perfection
Rooney Mara 
This is more goth than punk, but she just pulls it off so well. Although, if she had come as Lisbeth that would have been even better.

Christina Ricci
Wednesday Adams looking flawless in this tartan number. It's punk! It's couture! It's a dress that suits her AND the theme! Everyone else, take notes.
Kat: Plaid is one of those patterns which often screams picnic rug, not in this case at all.

Sarah Jessica Parker
I would like to take the time now to personally thank SJP for making an effort every year and keeping things interesting. That headpiece was the fiercest thing I saw from this year's event. A faux-hawk. #dies
Kat: Embracing all things that are punk without going over the top

Anne Hathaway
YOUR HAIR ANNE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR. This look is sexy and, what the French call, 'dangereuse'. Me likey.
Kat: Sheer perfection (Annie: lawl)

Florence Welch
Neo-punk from the goddess Flo. Here, she is demonstrating her 'come hither' face, right before she knees you in the groin.

Emma Watson
Miss Watson, you minx you! This is how you do sexy without slutty. yes, it's a lot of skin but it's approrpiate here- it's punk ffs. As usual though, she keeps it classy. Because that's just how she rolls.
Kat: Simple clean lines. Stunning.

My queen serving some Anjelica Huston realness. 

Kat: FAIL! You have shocked us in the past with your outfits, but remember modesty is the key. There is no need to have so much working at the same time!

Lilly Collins
Kat: Working those bushy brows to her advantage! With or without the studded jacket, Lilly has managed to successfully grasp the theme of night. (Annie: Gold star Lilly!)

Donatella Versace
Kat: Ohhh Donatella, a classic black punk couture look that is timeless for the ages.
Annie: The dark ages, when she was born *AGEIST ANNIE ALERT*

Honourable Mentions

Gwyneth Paltrow
Love Mrs Martin, and she looks good in this dress but pink is not punk.

She should have worn this number or something like it (and a bra)

Kat: NHFT. She looks like Emily Blunts' eye make-up from the evening.

Kylie Minogue
Aside from the fact that this is Kylie's first appearance at the MET Gala (get that American promo gurl!), she  did look stunning in Moschino BUT it wasn't punk. 

I would have picked this Chanel look for her to rawk

Sienna Miller ft Tom Sturridge
It must be opposites day because I actually like what Sienna's wearing here. As for the homeless man next to  her, we'll talk when he decides to cut his hair *le sigh*

Elizabeth Banks
Pantsless and proud.

The artist formerly known as JLo
Do cougars have spots? No? *scribbles out joke*
Kat: Ladies take note, this is how you werkk a dress. (Annie: see also werk, work and werq)

Elle Fanning
Kat: The colours in this dress are mesmerizing. 
Annie: She's staring into my soul or preparing to become the Swan Queen

Daisy Bevan (center)
Kat: The shoes remind me of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland but it strangely works with this outfit.
Annie: Or those hard boiled lollies.

Kat: There is a lot happening in this lace and leather ensemble, but she makes sure that the dress is not wearing her. 
Annie: The lady next to her in the black dress and I are both admiring Eve's bravery for wearing strategically placed panels.

No. A thousand She looks like a tampon. Next.

MTE, guys. MTE. Tacky. House of Dere-no.
Kat: Just like the flame motif, the skirt, gloves and MATCHING boots need to be burned. Simplicity is the key.

Nicki Minaj
Bad posture. See kids, this is why you need to sit up straight.

Katy Perry
Not interested. I have nfi what this is. Thanks for playing Katy!
Kat: If the theme of the night was the Byzantine Era, Katy would have nailed it on the head. 

Kat: I’m calling it….Kim is suffering from pregnancy brain. 

Sky Ferreira
Kat: This is considered to be THE fashion event of the calendar, can you at least bring some class to your glittered slip
Annie: This was the best photo I could find. Sky is on the left btw. I think her 'petulant child playing dress-ups' look is very punk though.

F for Fail to Punk
Miley Cyrus
Kat: Two words…try hard. Also, word of warning don’t stick your fingers into the electrical socket next time.
Annie: I love it and I hate it simultaneously

Gisele Bundchen
Kat: Something is missing here…could it potentially be more fabric?
Annie: Nevermind the dress, the Skrillex esque hair and faux- rock chic hand gesture is filling me with rage. UGH.

 January Jones
Kat: If you are going to bedazzle your eyes, do it right.
Annie: She's in character for 'Mad Men 2035: Betty's revenge' in which Betty Draper is a cyborg.

And that's a wrap! Here, have some fabulous Anna Wintour to cap it all off.

Annie A (and Kat)

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