Top Tunes 2013 Edition

IN NO ORDER...yet

• SuperLove- Charli XCX
• Applause, Do What U Want- Lady Gaga
• Julian, Fool Of Me (ft Chet Faker), Beloved- Say Lou Lou (BEST NEWCOMER OF 2013)
• Your Drums, Your Love- AlunaGeorge
• We Can't Stop- Miley Cyrus *insert groan here*
• Tennis Court- Lorde
• Work Bitch- Britney Spears
• Come and Get It- Selena Gomez
• I Was A Fool- Tegan and Sara
• Valentine's Day- David Bowie
• Resolution- Matt Corby
• Best Song Ever, Story Of My Life- One Direction
• Dear Darlin- Olly Murs
• L'enfer et Moi- Amandine Bourgeois (BEST EUROVISION TRACK)
• Under Control- Calvin Harris and Hurts
• I Love It- Icona Pop and Charli XCX
• You- Nathaniel
• Evil Eye- Franz Ferdinand
• Drew- Goldfrapp
• Wings- Birdy
• Habits- Tove Lo
• All For You- Little Boots
• Atlas- Coldplay
• Over The Love- Florence and the Machine 

• Roar- Katy Perry *rolls eyes*
• Beauty Queen- Foxes

• Permission to Love- Hayden James
• Blood On The Leaves- Kanye West
• Blind, Somebody to Die For, The Crow- Hurts
• Bridges- BROODS 

• Young and Beautiful- Lana Del Rey
• Rendez Vous- La Plage
• La La La- Naughty Boy ft Sam Smith
• Hard Out Here- Lily Allen
• You My Everything, Burn, How Long Will I Love You- Ellie Goulding
• Do I Wanna Know?- Arctic Monkeys
• Got What You Need- Eskimo Joe
• Fantasy- MSMR
• Firestarter- Samantha Jade
• Change Your Life, Bounce- Iggy Azalea
• Thinking About You- Calvin Harris

And now....the top 10.

10. The Wire- Haim
It was so hard to pick my favourite Haim song for the list because, let's face it, THEY ARE ALL AMAZING. But The Wire rightfully owns a spot for being their big radio breakout hit.

9. Love Me Again- John Newman
I cannot wait for the Northern Soul resurgence. John Newman can start it in my opinion.

8. Thursday- Pet Shop Boys ft Example
The best PSB single in a long time. Neil Tennants' classic vocal stylings with Chris Lowe's beats and Examples rap/singing- why wouldn't you stay for the weekend?

7. Pompeii- Bastille

I dare you not to sing along with the male choir. I DARE YOU. Perhaps one of the of the most uplifting, rousing songs of the year.

6. Work- Iggy Azalea

This track was especially motivating on my daily commutes into work and features one of my favourite lyrics this year 'Valley Girls giving blow jobs for Louboutins/Whatchu call that?/Head over heels'. Great video as well featuring homages to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Death Proof and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 

5. Royals- Lorde

In essence, a diatribe against American Cultural Imperialism. Brilliant.

4. Flatline- MKS

A TUNE. I wasn't putting much stock in the comeback until I heard Dev Hynes was producing a few of their tracks. This first single sold me and it's such a shame that it didn't fare better chart wise. 

3. Hold On, We're Going Home- Drake

How did this get here? No-one knows. But it's a genuinely swoon worthy song with a good beat- just check out the fantastic cover by Arctic Monkeys as well for proof.

2. Riptide- Vance Joy

In the film of my life, this song will be used in a montage sequence of myself (portrayed by Jennifer Lawrence or Meryl Streep) staring out of a car window, towards an imagined future, with the wind blowing in my face. My go-to happy song.

1. Get Lucky- Daft Punk

No brainer. This was THE song of 2013 for me. The combination of Daft Punk, Nile Rodgers and Pharrell Williams provided an explosion of funk and disco that soundtracked the entire year. It just makes you want to get up and dance no matter where you are. Iconic.

So, that seems to wrap up 2013 quite nicely. Now go forth and dance!

Top 10 Albums 2013 Edition

Another year, another night of hair pulling trying to put together my best of list.


10. Phoenix- 'Bankrupt!'

It was always going to be difficult to follow up from the amazing Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, but I think Phoenix nailed it. More of the same Euro-rock-pop from them, but still a solid album all round.
Standout tracks: Trying To Be Cool, SOS in Bel-Air, Entertainment


9. MSMR- 'Secondhand Rapture'

The dark horse on this list, MSMR started the year off strong with the release of their debut album. Thematically, it's a very apocalyptic album with a lot of the songs covering 'it's the end of the world! Here's what I'm going to do' theme. Laced throughout are some very strong pop songs, so while it didn't exactly set the charts on fire, it was a mainstay for 2013.
Standout tracks: Fantasy, BTSK, Hurricane, Head is Not My Home, Dark Doo Woop.

8. Charli XCX- 'True Romance'

This girl can write a mean hook and her debut album is proof of that. No filler (apart from Cloud Aura with Brooke Candy) plus she's the mastermind behind Icona Pop's 'I Love It'. It's 80s pop without sounding dated. Need I say more?
Standout Tracks: Nuclear Seasons, You, You're The One, Stay Away, Set Me Free.

7. Bastille 'Bad Blood'/'All This Bad Blood'

A grower for sure, but once you're in, you are IN. From the opening of 'Pompeii' (more songs need to have male backing choirs imo) to the frantic-ness of 'Laura Palmer', the album and its re-release with added tracks make for a very enjoyable listen, but give it time. Also check out their mix tapes if you can (free to download), 'Other People's Heartache (parts 1 and 2) for some seriously amazing mashups. The band are obviously heavily influenced by cinema as well as pop music, taking snippets from classic films and building tracks around them. TLC''s 'No Scrubs' + The xx 'Angels' + Hitchcock's 'Psycho'= the brilliant 'No Angels'.
Standout Tracks: Pompeii, Things We Lost In The Fire, Laura Palmer, Bad Blood

6. Little Boots- 'Nocturnes'

Little Boots' long awaited second album did not disappoint at all. Full of shimmering disco and dance tracks, it really does seem to be more of a night album than anything else, so the title is really befitting more than anything else. Slightly more edgier than 'Hands' but no less amazing.
Standout Tracks: Every Night I Say Prayer, All For You, Crescendo, Motorway

5. Kanye West- 'Yeezus'

Jay-Z may be a better lyricist, but Kanye has better beats and pushes the boundaries. West isn't lying when he said Yeezus is 'an album of frustration'- you can clearly hear his angry on the majority of the tracks, not just lyrically but sonically too. It's telling then, that the album ends on what is one of his most romantic songs, 'Bound 2'. Did he just need to get a few things off his chest? We'll have to wait and see.
Standout Tracks; Black Skinhead, Blood On The Leaves, Bound 2, Hold My Liquor

4. Daft Punk- 'Random Access Memories'

Possibly the most hyped up album all year. It worked for me though; all the tracks, bar 'Contact', are fantastic melanges of disco, funk and electronics. What I want next from them is a full length album or even an EP with Nile Rodgers and Pharrell Williams. MAKE IT SO.
Standout Tracks: Get Lucky, Lose Yourself To Dance, Giorgio by Moroder, Doin It Right, Instant Crush

3. HAIM- 'Days Are Gone'

Pop, rock and R'n'B perfection. The long awaited debut album was everything we could have wanted from the sisters Haim, except for maybe adding more tracks to make up for the four previously released singles. But still, this is one amazing record- I guarantee you'll have at least one chorus stuck in your head per day.
Standout Tracks: Days Are Gone, If I Could Change Your Mind, Running If You Call My Name, Go Slow, Falling, Forever, The Wire

2. Lorde- 'Pure Heroine'

Oh Lorde. Beautiful. If ever there was an album that summed up a summer in the southern hemisphere from the teen perspective, this is it. It's the story of one girl growing up and rebelling against American Cultural Imperialism. It's got angst, but not too much. Beats, but nothing to make you go crazy on a dancefloor. Just some seriously good songs.
Standout Tracks: 400 Lux, Team, Glory and Gore, Buzzcut Season, A World Alone, Tennis Court

1. Arctic Monkeys- 'AM'

Do not adjust your screens, this is not the Triple J site. Yes, AM was the best album this year. From start to finish, every track is just quality. Not a bad song on here at all. It's also the sexiest album I've heard in my life- every song has the right amount of swagger to pull it off (umm, no pun intended I guess). Not many bands can make such a successful turn around five albums in, but these guys have. Well played, Monkeys!
Standout Tracks: THE ENTIRE ALBUM.

Notable mentions: Goldfrapp- 'Tales Of Us', Franz Ferdinand 'Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Actions', David Bowie- 'The Next Day', Eskimo Joe- Wastelands

Best Soundtrack: The Great Gatsby

Slightly Underwhelming But Still Enjoyable: Hurts- 'Exile'

I've put the standout tracks in this handy Spotify playlist: enjoy!

VMA's 2013: A recap.

The VMA's (Video Music Awards  for the uninitiated) is a chance for music's finest to let their hair down and be loose.

And lawd, this year, one lady in particular was LOOSE. But more on that later. For now, let me be your spirit guide to VMAs 2013.

First, the performances. Viacom, MTV's parent company, is a little bitch about putting up content for people outside of the US to see and hates Youtube with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Therefore, no video links here- I'm sorry, don't hate me.

• Lady Gaga- Applause: opens the show. It's a more subdued Gaga than we're used to. Sign of things to come? The performance was also a mini retrospective with looks and imagery from The Fame and The Fame Monster eras, but no Born This Way era, thus confirming my point that it's too soon to be nostalgic. The song is sort of growing on me, the chorus is ok but the lyrics to the verses are terrible. Overall though, not bad.

• Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke- We Can't Stop/Blurred Lines/Give In To Me: There are no words to accurately describe this. Perhaps 'hot mess' will do. Look, it's nothing to do with feminism or racism it's simply this: we know what Miley's doing, it's the stock standard 'LOOK AT ME I'M DOING THE CHILD STAR IS NOW A SEXY WOMAN' thing and I'm sorry Destiny Hope, but we are not buying what you are selling. And don't get me started on the creepiness of the pairing due to the age differences *shudders* All in all, it was just a sloppy performance.

MTE.

'NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE, DESTINY HOPE!'

• Kanye West- Blood On The Leaves: YASS. Yeezus put in a beautiful, meaningful performance of one of the best tracks off the album. The lynch tree backdrop combined with the silhouettes of the audience hands waving from the bottom of the stage? Haunting.

• Mackelmore and Ryan Lews- Same Love: yay for marriage equality! That's all I have for this one in my notes.

• Drake- Hold On, We're Going Home/Started From the Bottom: I'm not that familar with Drake's recent work. Just here for the lulz and Degrassi gifs.

• JC Chasez, *N MOTHERFLIPPIN SYNC and that other guy: Oh God. Where do I even begin here? I HAVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS. 10 GODDAM YEARS. I ALMOST GAVE UP HOPE. BUT HOVAH AND YEEZUS MUST HAVE LISTENED AND ANSWERED MY PRAYERS. *NSYNC. Together. Performing on stage. THEY KILLED IT. JC's vocals and dance moves were on point, Chris and Joey were about to pass out and Lance couldn't keep up. It was like no time had passed. However, for all the hype (they even started a Twitter @NSYNC!) it was just too short. I wanted more of them and less of solo Justin. It's weird; I was such a Justin fangirl; HUGE in fact, and yet by 2006, I was so meh over him, whilst everyone and his mother were only just beginning to see the light. I do think 15 mins for this performance was too long; it felt like a massive wankfest. Yes, Justin nailed it, but other artists haven't had this long for this award; Britney got a minute. A MINUTE. #bitterstan

*sobs*

• Bruno Mars- Gorilla: For a song about freaky deaky animal sex, I don't know if it was entirely appropriate to have a giant hologram gorilla as a backdrop. I get it, but still.

• Katy Perry- Roar: meh. I don't do self-empowerment, positive songs. And Katy doesn't do live performances well either by the sounds of it *sips tea*.

THE WINNERS (You know, this is an award show and all) Source: http://www.spin.com/articles/mtv-video-music-awards-2013-winners-vma/ Winners in bold, my comments in italics.

Video of the Year
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors" (winner) Eh. 
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, "Thrift Shop" This should have won.
Robin Thicke, feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines"
Taylor Swift, "I Knew You Were Trouble" 

Best Male Video
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines"
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven" (winner) 
Ed Sheeran, "Lego House" RON WEASLEY, YOU WERE ROBBED. Robbed I tell you!
Kendrick Lamar, "Swimming Pools (Drank)"

Best Female Video No worthy winners here
Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko, "Stay"
Taylor Swift, "I Knew You Were Trouble" (winner) Love the song *sips tea*
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason"
Demi Lovato, "Heart Attack"

Best Pop Video
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven"
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"
Fun., "Carry on"
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop" For shear shits and giggles, this should have won.
Selena Gomez, "Come and Get It" (winner) Oh COME ON!

Artist to Watch, Presented by Taco Bell
Twenty One Pilots, "Holding on to You"
Zedd feat. Foxes, "Clarity"
Austin Mahone, "What About Love" (winner) WHO?!?!?
The Weeknd, "Wicked Games"
Iggy Azalea, "Work" Iggy :( What was with your accent though gurl? Kept slipping between Aussie and American. howbizarre.mp3

Best Collaboration
Justin Timberlake, feat. Jay-Z, "Suit & Tie"
Pitbull feat. Christina Aguilera, "Feel This Moment"
Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding, "I Need Your Love" Also worthy for the CHEMISTRY between these two
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines" Could have won purely for Pharell and T.I
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason" (winner) Joy :|

Best Video With a Social Message (da fuq?)
Kelly Clarkson, "People Like Us"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, "Same Love" (winner) 
Snoop Lion, "No Guns Allowed"
Miguel, "Candles in the Sun"
Beyoncé, "I Was Here"

Best Rock Video No comments here
Imagine Dragons, "Radioactive"
Fall Out Boy, "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light 'Em Up)"
Mumford & Sons, "I Will Wait"
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air" (winner)
Vampire Weekend, "Diane Young" 

Best Hip-Hop Video
A$AP Rocky feat. 2 Chainz, Drake, and Kendrick Lamar, "Fuckin' Problems"
J. Cole feat. Miguel, "Power Trip"
Drake, "Started From the Bottom"
Kendrick Lamar, "Swimming Pools (Drank)"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us" (winner) I enjoyed the cinematography.

Best Art Direction
Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound"
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air"
Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu, "Q.U.E.E.N" (winner)
Lana Del Rey, "National Anthem" ROBBED. 
Alt-J, "Tesselate"

Best Choreography
Chris Brown, "Fine China"
Ciara, "Body Party"
Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull, "Live It Up"
will.i.am feat. Justin Bieber, "#thatPOWER"
Bruno Mars, "Treasure" (winner) My new project is to learn theses moves. So flawless.

Best Cinematography
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air"
Lana Del Rey, "Ride" THIS, THIS, THIS.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Sacrilege"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us" (winner)
A-Trak & Tommy Trash, "Tuna Melt"

Best Direction
Justin Timberlake feat. Jay-Z, "Suit & Tie" (winner) Fincher! *shakes fist*
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us"
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Sacrilege"
Fun., "Carry on"
Drake, "Started From the Bottom"

Best Editing
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason"
Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch, "Sweet Nothing" :(
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us"
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors" (winner)
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"

Best Visual Effects
Flying Lotus, "Tiny Tortures"
Skrillex feat. The Doors, "Breakin' A Sweat"
The Weeknd, "Wicked Games"
Duck Sauce, "It's You"
Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound" (winner) Not.A.Clue.

Best Song of the Summer 
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"
Daft Punk, "Get Lucky"  <<<<<<<<<<<<
Selena Gomez, "Come and Get It"
Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding, "I Need Your Love"
One Direction, "Best Song Ever" (winner)
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines" 

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award 
Justin Timberlake (winner)

THE FASHION
Fugs. So much fugs. And so many basic bitches too. But that's what we expect from the VMAs, let's be real.

Gaga, is that you?!?! *rubs eyes*

Kitty Purry, fail. Especially when she wore the grill, ugh

Rita Ora mistakenly showed up as Beyonce

Some things are better left in the 90s. Miley Cyrus serving up some Gwen Stefani realness.

*Yawns*

*Yawns*

Oh 1D, did you even TRY?

Aaaaaand that's a wrap on another year of MTV trying to reclaim its glory days. I shall leave you with this glorious picture of my new OTP.

Toodles!

Annie A

Harkive: a musical history of July 9th

Here's my entry for Harkive, a project which will collate how people listened to music on July 9th. It's a great idea and to find out more, go to Harkive. The nerd in me (and let's be real, outside of me) enjoyed taking part in this and whilst there wasn't any earth shattering revelations to be found on my end, it's an accurate picture of my current day-to-day life.


7:50 Get dressed to the soothing sounds of ABBA 'Gold' blasting from my CD player. Say what you will, but those Swedes know how to make a pop song (amirightoramiright?)

8:30 Bus ride part 1: the first leg of my journey on the way to work is soundtracked by my iPod on shuffle. Normally, I use my 'Morning Tunes' playlist, but lately I've been feeling sleepy, so I switch to some more uptempo tracks (as follows). I leave it on shuffle but I'm often skipping tracks because I just don't feel like listening to them.

Say Lou Lou- Julian
Charlie XCX- Wires
Sugababes- Flatline
Marina and the Diamonds- Homewrecker
Kanye West- Power
John Newman- Love Me Again
Amandine Bourgeois- L'enfer Et Moi
Phoenix- Trying To Be Cool
Daft Punk- Get Lucky
Iggy Azalea- Work
Lana Del Rey- Summertime Sadness
Frank Ocean- Lost

9:20 Bus ride part 2: shorter ride means less tunes.

Marina and the Diamonds- Girls
Wheatus- teenage Dirtbag
Icona Pop ft Charlie XCX- I Love It (great song to walk/strut to)

9:35 Small cafe area outside of work is playing a delightful jazz version of 'Roxanne' on their speakers.

10:00 I work part time for a radio station, but it's talkback. No music for 4 hours. *sobs*

2:00 pm Ride home begins. iPod on shuffle mode again. Below is the playlist for return trips 1 and 2.

PNAU- Embrace
Kanye West- Guilt Trip
MSMR- Fantasy
Naughty Boy- La La La
Sugababes- Overload
Ja Rule and Jennifer Lopez- I'm Real (Murder Inc Remix)
David Bowie- We Are The Dead
MSMR- Think Of You
Kanye West- Paranoid
Phoenix- Entertainment (Blood Orange remix)
Lana Del Rey- Ride
Sarah Blasko- I Awake
Two Door Cinema Club- Something Good Can Work
Madonna- Boderline
Tegan and Sara- Shock To Your System

4:30 pm Short car ride home (finally). My mother picks me up from the bus stop. I have no shame, whatever. WSFM is on, the 'classic' radio station. Currently 'I Love Rock and Roll' by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts is playing. She leaves it until it finishes and starts flipping stations landing on the Edge 96.1 and a Pitbull song. :|

4:55 pm Checking out my Twitter timeline and Norwegian popsinger Annie (holler!) tweets a link to a blog of the best pop songs of 2013 so far. I end up playing her own track on the list, 'Tube Stops and Lonely Hearts', via Youtube.

5:30 pm Open up my laptop's iTunes and start shuffle mode. Hit play only to go straight to the preview button and pick which songs I'd like next.

Bee Gees- Nights On Broadway

Lana Del Rey- On Our Way

Eskimo Joe- This Is Pressure

Britney Spears- Baby One More Time

Franz Ferdinand – The Fallen

Kanye West- Goldigger

Crowded House- I Feel Possessed

Lana Del Rey- National Anthem

Crowded House- Mean To Me

Hurts- The Rope

Charlie XCX- So Far Away

Ellie Goulding- Your Biggest Mistake

6:30 pm Hit the gym. I either use my gym playlist on my iPod or shuffle through my collection if I'm bored (that happens more often than you think).

8:18 pm Sister's iPod in the car ride home post gym. She settles on Britney Spears 'Up and Down'.

10:00 pm Bedtime playlist on laptop 'ahh'. Filled with soothing down tempos such as The XX, Jessie Ware etc. It's a great playlist that bumps up my play count for these songs and helps me get some shut-eye.

The end (lulz)

Annie A

Grab your jaegerbombs and a flag of your choice: Eurovision 2013 Roundup

Eurovision Song Contest (henceforth known as ESC) is one of my favourite events on the social calendar. For those of you who are not aware of this 3 day extravaganza, it's Europe's version of The Hunger Games. Countries send their tributes/popstars/victims, dolled up in their Sunday best, armed with some seriously catchy tunes (most of the time), to duke it out in an arena in order to be named Europe's ESC champion. Nothing dies, except for the contestant's dignity. As is customary, this year the competition took place in the previous winner's country; Malmo (pronounced 'malmuuurrrr'), Sweden.

There's 2 semi-finals in the lead up to the Grand Final. Let's skip the nonsense and get straight into the 'good' stuff. This post also features guest commentary from noted music critic and ESC expert* Chrissie A.

*NB: She is not a noted music critic nor an ESC expert (to my knowledge).

Actual footage of Chrissie and myself watching Eurovision.

 France- L'Enfer Et Moi

A: I'm a sucker for French pop music, so I love this. Flawless vocals and performance imo.

Finland- Marry Me

A: Finland, my brand of crazy. Don't miss the CONTROVERSIAL kiss at the end! *yawns*

C: What kind of hot mess is this? Finland, you'll be doing a walk of shame off this stage.

Spain- Constigo Hasta El Final (With You Until The End)

A: Nothing says Spain like bagpipes. Obligatory 'mi corazon' lyric etc. Boring! Bring back Las Ketchup.

C: Is the economic crisis that bad that they can't afford shoes for Eurovision?

Belgium- Love Kills

A: A dubstep breakdown brought to you by Sacha Baron Cohen's doppelganger.

C: CRAB DANCING!
A: Those backup dancers are killing me right now. They start off graceful and end up like Shrek.

Estonia- Et Uus Saaks Alguse

A: Don't adjust your computer screen, this performance starts out in black and white. I zoned out in this one so idk...

Belarus- Solayoh

A: The party don't start until Belarus walks out of a giant disco ball.

C: THIS is what I'm talking about people! The spirit of Eurovision. *sobs*

Malta- Tomorrow

A: Imagine Train mating with Jason Mraz. Also known as my worst nightmare *shudders*

C: Who the fuck is Jeremy?

A: He works in IT.

C: Did he sell Malta that ukelele?

A: ...

Russia- What If

C: WE FOUND THE MISSING KARDASHIAN!

Cascada- Glorious

A: UGH. I hate Cascada with the passion of a thousand burning fires. 

C: Did they just steal Sweden's winning song from last year? (Loreen- Euphoria)

Armenia- Lonely Planet

A: Here we go! Well done Armenia for not being the Steve Bradbury of Eurovsion for once.

A: Oh Jesus. You can tell they're Armenian just by looking at them.

C: They should be sponsored by Leah's Waxworks.

A: Double denim is all the rage in Yerevan

C: Guess what I'll be wearing on casual Friday.

A: Less money on the pyrotechnics, more on waxing appointments Armenia!

C: John Goodman on keyboards here.

I loved him in 'The Big Lebowski'

A: There was a significant lack of apricots in that performance. Poor form guys!

The Netherlands- Birds

A: It's all doom and gloom here.

C: Why is Precious at Eurovision?

Romania- It's My Life

C: I am so ready for this.

A: This is AMAZING! Quality entertainment! It's like Dracula went to Arq.

C: I have no words for this.

A: I love everything this performance chooses to be.

United Kingdom- Believe in Me

A: Oh no, Bonnie. This is not working for me. At all. Yikes.

C: BONNIE TYLER GOT HER WIND MACHINE!! BOOYAH!

Sweden- You

A: Wrong Robin, Sweden. Good song but then again, it's Sweden. If they mess up a good pop song, they get kicked out of the EU.

C: He looks a little on the, ahem, feminine side. #justsayin

Hungary- Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix) 

A: Hungry Hipsters of Hungary

C: Bitch stole my look.

A: I don't know what he's saying, but I'm just happily bopping along to it.

Denmark- Only Teardrops

A: Denmark is shoe-less but they have pan pipes, so really, it's swings and roundabouts.

Iceland- Eg A Lif

C: Thor makes a special appearance at Eurovision

A: Thor meets Englebert Humperdinck meets Tim Minchin. World's worst threesome.

Azerbaijan- Hold Me

A: ATTENTION! Azerbaijan has a man in a box! I repeat, A MAN IN A BOX! SEND SUPPLIES!

What is this even omg halp

Greece- Alcohol is Free

A: Did someone enter The Cat Empire mistakenly? 

C: Listen Greece, if Kanye West couldn't rock a skirt, neither can you.

A: Alcohol is free because your economy is shit and donkies are not a form of currency.

C:  I think that's my fruit shop man (*coughthisisMonasgagcough*)

Ukraine- Gravity

A: HODOR!

A: Ms Ukraine looks like Cheryl Cole.

C: I'd hit it and quit it tbh.

A: She has the diva arms down pat.

Italy- L'Essenziale

C: He looks like a fancy salesman. TAKE ALL MY MONEY!

A: Ooft. Italy. Yes please.

A: If there's no dubstep breakdown, I'm leaving, got that Italy?

Norway- I Feed You My Love

A: 'I Feed You My Love'. This is my type of song.

C: Norway's killing it right now but where's the big dress, dammit?!?!

Georgia- Waterfall

A: Ah Georgia. The Canada of Armenia.

C: Now THIS is a Disney song

A: It's no 'Especially For You', but it'll do.

Ireland- Only Love Survives

C: Where's Jedward?

A: I see Ireland have gone for 'credible' rather than 'Jedward'. And leather. So much leather. Like a bad bondage show.

C: The amount of spray tan used here is unfathomable

In summation,

This also happened.

Armenia, you herp derp.

Denmark won (it was those pan pipes, wasn't it?), Ireland lost, Romania and their queer dupstep vampire opera was robbed, the UK is still confused about this whole thing  and Australia is watching the whole thing from outside the window, like some sort of crazy stalker, plotting on how to get inside. IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN GUISE, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT.

Meanwhile, nothing will ever compare to Helena Paparizou.

See you in Copenhagen!

Toodles!

Annie A (and Chrissie A)

MET Gala 2013: Punk is dead

That's according to 90% of this year's attendees at the MET Costume Gala. The theme was 'Punk: Chaos to Couture' and sadly, very few actually wore anything remotely punkish. If this was any other formal event, some of these outfits would be amazing but it's a COSTUME THEME gala. Go crazy. Go nuts. Wear something different for a change. Does anyone listen to me? Negatory.

Having said that, there were some winners and inevitably, losers. Shall we? I've roped in my BFF and famed fashion photographer*, Kat, to provide some insights into this hot mess of an event.

*NB Kat is not a fashion photographer.

Pics are not my own, they're from ONTD and Google, idk...

BEST: Punk Couture Perfection

Rooney Mara 

This is more goth than punk, but she just pulls it off so well. Although, if she had come as Lisbeth that would have been even better.

Christina Ricci

Wednesday Adams looking flawless in this tartan number. It's punk! It's couture! It's a dress that suits her AND the theme! Everyone else, take notes.

Kat: Plaid is one of those patterns which often screams picnic rug, not in this case at all.

Sarah Jessica Parker

I would like to take the time now to personally thank SJP for making an effort every year and keeping things interesting. That headpiece was the fiercest thing I saw from this year's event. A faux-hawk. #dies

Kat: Embracing all things that are punk without going over the top

Anne Hathaway

YOUR HAIR ANNE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR. This look is sexy and, what the French call, 'dangereuse'. Me likey.

Kat: Sheer perfection (Annie: lawl)

Florence Welch

Neo-punk from the goddess Flo. Here, she is demonstrating her 'come hither' face, right before she knees you in the groin.

Emma Watson

Miss Watson, you minx you! This is how you do sexy without slutty. yes, it's a lot of skin but it's approrpiate here- it's punk ffs. As usual though, she keeps it classy. Because that's just how she rolls.

Kat: Simple clean lines. Stunning.

Madonna

My queen serving some Anjelica Huston realness. 

Kat: FAIL! You have shocked us in the past with your outfits, but remember modesty is the key. There is no need to have so much working at the same time!

Lilly Collins

Kat: Working those bushy brows to her advantage! With or without the studded jacket, Lilly has managed to successfully grasp the theme of night. (Annie: Gold star Lilly!)

Donatella Versace

Kat: Ohhh Donatella, a classic black punk couture look that is timeless for the ages.

Annie: The dark ages, when she was born *AGEIST ANNIE ALERT*

Honourable Mentions

Gwyneth Paltrow

Love Mrs Martin, and she looks good in this dress but pink is not punk.

She should have worn this number or something like it (and a bra)

Kat: NHFT. She looks like Emily Blunts' eye make-up from the evening.

Kylie Minogue

Aside from the fact that this is Kylie's first appearance at the MET Gala (get that American promo gurl!), she  did look stunning in Moschino BUT it wasn't punk. 

I would have picked this Chanel look for her to rawk

Sienna Miller ft Tom Sturridge

It must be opposites day because I actually like what Sienna's wearing here. As for the homeless man next to  her, we'll talk when he decides to cut his hair *le sigh*

Elizabeth Banks

Pantsless and proud.

The artist formerly known as JLo

Do cougars have spots? No? *scribbles out joke*

Kat: Ladies take note, this is how you werkk a dress. (Annie: see also werk, work and werq)

Elle Fanning

Kat: The colours in this dress are mesmerizing. 

Annie: She's staring into my soul or preparing to become the Swan Queen

Daisy Bevan (center)

Kat: The shoes remind me of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland but it strangely works with this outfit.

Annie: Or those hard boiled lollies.

Eve 

Kat: There is a lot happening in this lace and leather ensemble, but she makes sure that the dress is not wearing her. 

Annie: The lady next to her in the black dress and I are both admiring Eve's bravery for wearing strategically placed panels.

NHFT

Trampire

No. A thousand times...no. She looks like a tampon. Next.

Beyonce

MTE, guys. MTE. Tacky. House of Dere-no.

Kat: Just like the flame motif, the skirt, gloves and MATCHING boots need to be burned. Simplicity is the key.

Nicki Minaj

Bad posture. See kids, this is why you need to sit up straight.

Katy Perry

Not interested. I have nfi what this is. Thanks for playing Katy!

Kat: If the theme of the night was the Byzantine Era, Katy would have nailed it on the head. 

Kimmy

*cries*

Kat: I’m calling it….Kim is suffering from pregnancy brain. 

Sky Ferreira

Kat: This is considered to be THE fashion event of the calendar, can you at least bring some class to your glittered slip

Annie: This was the best photo I could find. Sky is on the left btw. I think her 'petulant child playing dress-ups' look is very punk though.

F for Fail to Punk

Miley Cyrus

Kat: Two words…try hard. Also, word of warning don’t stick your fingers into the electrical socket next time.

Annie: I love it and I hate it simultaneously

Gisele Bundchen

Kat: Something is missing here…could it potentially be more fabric?

Annie: Nevermind the dress, the Skrillex esque hair and faux- rock chic hand gesture is filling me with rage. UGH.

 January Jones

Kat: If you are going to bedazzle your eyes, do it right.

Annie: She's in character for 'Mad Men 2035: Betty's revenge' in which Betty Draper is a cyborg.

And that's a wrap! Here, have some fabulous Anna Wintour to cap it all off.

Toodles!
Annie A (and Kat)