3 minutes 30 seconds and Fade Out.: VMA's 2013: A recap.

The VMA's (Video Music Awards for the uninitiated) is a chance for music's finest to let their hair down and be loose.

And lawd, this year, one lady in particular was LOOSE. But more on that later. For now, let me be your spirit guide to VMAs 2013.

First, the performances. Viacom, MTV's parent company, is a little bitch about putting up content for people outside of the US to see and hates Youtube with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Therefore, no video links here- I'm sorry, don't hate me.

Lady Gaga- Applause: opens the show. It's a more subdued Gaga than we're used to. Sign of things to come? The performance was also a mini retrospective with looks and imagery from The Fame and The Fame Monster eras, but no Born This Way era, thus confirming my point that it's too soon to be nostalgic. The song is sort of growing on me, the chorus is ok but the lyrics to the verses are terrible. Overall though, not bad.

Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke- We Can't Stop/Blurred Lines/Give In To Me: There are no words to accurately describe this. Perhaps 'hot mess' will do. Look, it's nothing to do with feminism or racism it's simply this: we know what Miley's doing, it's the stock standard 'LOOK AT ME I'M DOING THE CHILD STAR IS NOW A SEXY WOMAN' thing and I'm sorry Destiny Hope, but we are not buying what you are selling. And don't get me started on the creepiness of the pairing due to the age differences *shudders* All in all, it was just a sloppy performance.

MTE.

'NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE, DESTINY HOPE!'

Kanye West- Blood On The Leaves: YASS. Yeezus put in a beautiful, meaningful performance of one of the best tracks off the album. The lynch tree backdrop combined with the silhouettes of the audience hands waving from the bottom of the stage? Haunting.

Mackelmore and Ryan Lews- Same Love: yay for marriage equality! That's all I have for this one in my notes.

Drake- Hold On, We're Going Home/Started From the Bottom: I'm not that familar with Drake's recent work. Just here for the lulz and Degrassi gifs.

JC Chasez, *N MOTHERFLIPPIN SYNC and that other guy: Oh God. Where do I even begin here? I HAVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS. 10 GODDAM YEARS. I ALMOST GAVE UP HOPE. BUT HOVAH AND YEEZUS MUST HAVE LISTENED AND ANSWERED MY PRAYERS. *NSYNC. Together. Performing on stage. THEY KILLED IT. JC's vocals and dance moves were on point, Chris and Joey were about to pass out and Lance couldn't keep up. It was like no time had passed. However, for all the hype (they even started a Twitter @NSYNC!) it was just too short. I wanted more of them and less of solo Justin. It's weird; I was such a Justin fangirl; HUGE in fact, and yet by 2006, I was so meh over him, whilst everyone and his mother were only just beginning to see the light. I do think 15 mins for this performance was too long; it felt like a massive wankfest. Yes, Justin nailed it, but other artists haven't had this long for this award; Britney got a minute. A MINUTE. #bitterstan

*sobs*

Bruno Mars- Gorilla: For a song about freaky deaky animal sex, I don't know if it was entirely appropriate to have a giant hologram gorilla as a backdrop. I get it, but still.

Katy Perry- Roar: meh. I don't do self-empowerment, positive songs. And Katy doesn't do live performances well either by the sounds of it *sips tea*.

THE WINNERS (You know, this is an award show and all) Source: http://www.spin.com/articles/mtv-video-music-awards-2013-winners-vma/ Winners in bold, my comments in italics.

Video of the Year
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors" (winner) Eh.
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, "Thrift Shop" This should have won.
Robin Thicke, feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines"
Taylor Swift, "I Knew You Were Trouble"

Best Male Video
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines"
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven" (winner)
Ed Sheeran, "Lego House" RON WEASLEY, YOU WERE ROBBED. Robbed I tell you!
Kendrick Lamar, "Swimming Pools (Drank)"

Best Female Video No worthy winners here
Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko, "Stay"
Taylor Swift, "I Knew You Were Trouble" (winner) Love the song *sips tea*
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason"
Demi Lovato, "Heart Attack"

Best Pop Video
Bruno Mars, "Locked out of Heaven"
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"
Fun., "Carry on"
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop" For shear shits and giggles, this should have won.
Selena Gomez, "Come and Get It" (winner) Oh COME ON!

Artist to Watch, Presented by Taco Bell
Twenty One Pilots, "Holding on to You"
Zedd feat. Foxes, "Clarity"
Austin Mahone, "What About Love" (winner) WHO?!?!?
The Weeknd, "Wicked Games"
Iggy Azalea, "Work" Iggy :( What was with your accent though gurl? Kept slipping between Aussie and American. howbizarre.mp3

Best Collaboration
Justin Timberlake, feat. Jay-Z, "Suit & Tie"
Pitbull feat. Christina Aguilera, "Feel This Moment"
Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding, "I Need Your Love" Also worthy for the CHEMISTRY between these two
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines" Could have won purely for Pharell and T.I
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason" (winner) Joy :|

Best Video With a Social Message (da fuq?)
Kelly Clarkson, "People Like Us"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, "Same Love" (winner)
Snoop Lion, "No Guns Allowed"
Miguel, "Candles in the Sun"
Beyoncé, "I Was Here"

Best Rock Video No comments here
Imagine Dragons, "Radioactive"
Fall Out Boy, "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light 'Em Up)"
Mumford & Sons, "I Will Wait"
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air" (winner)
Vampire Weekend, "Diane Young"

Best Hip-Hop Video
A$AP Rocky feat. 2 Chainz, Drake, and Kendrick Lamar, "Fuckin' Problems"
J. Cole feat. Miguel, "Power Trip"
Drake, "Started From the Bottom"
Kendrick Lamar, "Swimming Pools (Drank)"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us" (winner) I enjoyed the cinematography.

Best Art Direction
Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound"
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air"
Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu, "Q.U.E.E.N" (winner)
Lana Del Rey, "National Anthem" ROBBED.
Alt-J, "Tesselate"

Best Choreography
Chris Brown, "Fine China"
Ciara, "Body Party"
Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull, "Live It Up"
will.i.am feat. Justin Bieber, "#thatPOWER"
Bruno Mars, "Treasure" (winner) My new project is to learn theses moves. So flawless.

Best Cinematography
30 Seconds to Mars, "Up in the Air"
Lana Del Rey, "Ride" THIS, THIS, THIS.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Sacrilege"
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us" (winner)
A-Trak & Tommy Trash, "Tuna Melt"

Best Direction
Justin Timberlake feat. Jay-Z, "Suit & Tie" (winner) Fincher! *shakes fist*
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us"
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Sacrilege"
Fun., "Carry on"
Drake, "Started From the Bottom"

Best Editing
Pink feat. Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me a Reason"
Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch, "Sweet Nothing" :(
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, "Can't Hold Us"
Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors" (winner)
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"

Best Visual Effects
Flying Lotus, "Tiny Tortures"
Skrillex feat. The Doors, "Breakin' A Sweat"
The Weeknd, "Wicked Games"
Duck Sauce, "It's You"
Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound" (winner) Not.A.Clue.

Best Song of the Summer
Miley Cyrus, "We Can't Stop"
Daft Punk, "Get Lucky" <<<<<<<<<<<<
Selena Gomez, "Come and Get It"
Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding, "I Need Your Love"
One Direction, "Best Song Ever" (winner)
Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell, "Blurred Lines"

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award
Justin Timberlake (winner)

THE FASHION
Fugs. So much fugs. And so many basic bitches too. But that's what we expect from the VMAs, let's be real.